9 tips on writing better blog posts

If you're serious about writing a blog, and you want to attract more people to contribute with comments and be regular visitors, then you're going to want to know how to write better, and how to inspire people to write comments. Read this article if you want to learn more tips on how to write better blog posts.

1. The bait

The bait is your title. It needs to be attractive, to inspire the reader to find out more. Make sure it's informative about the content, but also very short.

The title is what people are going to see in search engine listings, so make sure it includes those key words that are relevent to the content.

2. The hook

Once you've got the reader to take the bait, you need to have a good hook. Your hook is going to be the first paragraph of your post. Remember that most people will find your site via a search engine, so they're going to quickly see if it has the content they're looking for. If it doesn't, they're going to go look somewhere else. If you can grab them right there with the hook, you'll keep them reading.

Of course, the hook needs to be provocative and controversial. It has to grab the reader's attention and make a point, all in one go. If they don't read anything more of your post, that first paragraph is the only chance you've got to tell them what your thoughts and opinions are.

3. The reward

If the reader has been hooked by your first paragraph then they're going to want to know why you've written what you have. Giving them the 'why' is your way of rewarding them for staying.

Use a couple of paragraphs to to tell them why you made the statements in the hook. Keep it short and informative, no more than two paragraphs. Include humour if you can. People love to laugh, and if you can help them do that, they'll be encouraged to stay and keep reading. Since you've managed to keep them past the first paragraph, you don't want to lose them now!

4. The inspiration

For people to be inspired to leave their own comments, there often needs to be something controversial for them to comment on. Sure, you can write the posts that don't offend anyone, or that inspire people to be or feel better, but if you really want to get people discussing your posts, you need to make them more controversial.

Some of the controversial things you can write about include: politics (war on terror, oil, elections), abortion (right-to-life issues), human rights, religion, political correctness (racism, freedom of speech, welfare), etc etc. Anything that can inflame the emotions are good topics to write about.

5. Make your point

If you can keep your post about a single point rather than several points, then you're going to make it more attractive for people to stay and read. The less for them to read, the better.

If you really want to make a number of points, then write a different post for each point you want to make.

6. The KISS principle - 'Keep it simple, stupid!'

The more detail you put into expressing your thoughts, the more people are going to swtich off. They just want it to be short and easy to read. They want to know your thoughts using as few words as possible. Keep the complexities of your thoughts to yourself.

Before you press that publish button, read your post as if you're a random reader who's completely clueless about whatever it is you're talking about. Be honest with yourselff and ask yourself if the reader is likely to hang around and keep reading. If not, then keep editing it.

If a sentence can afford to have words removed and still keep the same meaning, then do so. When the meaning is lost, put back the word you last removed and leave it at that.

7. Let the reader form the conclusions

Don't just insult someone or something. Provide all the reasons why you don't like them, and let the reader insult them for you!

If the reader is given information with which to form their own opinion, that will mean more to them than just reading what your opinion is.

8. Be passionate

If you're not passionate about something, then don't write it. If you don't have the belief in your own opinion, then why should the reader listen to you?

When you write what you're passionate about, that's going to be obvious to your readers, and they're going to feel it. Writing with passion will inspire your readers to feel almost as passionate about it as you!

9. Have a moral to the story

If the reader has gotten to the end, they want there to be a point to it, so they can justify the time spent reading it. Give them a moral, a one-line statement that they can take away with them which will summarise the post and stick in their memory.

For example, the moral to this post could be:

Get serious with your writing, and you'll get a serious increase in the readers who respond to what you write!


(Thanks to Not PC and his article (Polemic writing: Use a sniper's rifle, not a shotgun) for the inspiration.)

Attract and keep visitors to your blog

If you want to keep the attention of your visitors, you'll need to start thinking about just how you're going to grab their attention before you even start thinking about how you're going to keep it.

Create the content the audience wants

Obviously you want to write about something that interests you, otherwise there's really no point in writing. But you also want to make sure you're writing about something that's interesting to others, or you're not even going to get yourself an audience!

There's something called the Keyword Selector Tool, which you can use to find out how people are using keywords. If you're writing about religion, for example, then you'd enter the word 'religion', and it will bring up a list of searches done during the previous month that include that word. You can do this for any keyword or series of words.

When you can see how people are using keywords in their searches, you can then start to create content that takes advantage of the search terms that people are using. For example, "religion and spirituality" is a popular search term, so if you throw in a post that includes the words that people are searching for, then people are going to find your content when they do a search for it.

Solve their problems

Most people aren't searching for information without reason. Whatever they're searching for is usually to answer a question or solve a problem they have. If they find your site, they're going to want you to give them the answers they're looking for.

If you're not providing them with those answers, then they're going to go find someone else who will.

Obviously a personal blog isn't necessarily going to do help others solve their problems, but then you're probably not looking for a large audience either. It's only if you want a much larger audience that you need to make sure you're providing information that they're looking for, that will help them with their problems.

Write for yourself

You obviously need to make sure that you're thinking of your readers when you write, but the motivation for writing has to come from yourself. Ultimately, everything you write has to be for you, no one else.

Writing takes a lot of time and effort, and if you're not putting in the time and effort, you should be finding something else to do with your time instead.

It's easy to write, but it's not easy to write well.

Combine quality with consistency.

I can't remember where I found that statement, but it's excellent advice. In order to be good at what you do, you have to do it all the time. As you write, make sure you edit it; make it better than what it is, and improve upon it all the time. Commit yourself to write quality material, and be consistent with it. But do it for yourself. Do it because you love it.

Being yourself

Following the above advice will help you become clear about who you're writing for and why you're writing. But you can't lose sight of the fact that it's you who's doing the writing.

Even though your audience is there to read the information you provide, they would also love to see your personality and your unique perceptions shining through.

It's you and the personality that you present that will keep them coming back. Even if the personality is something that's made up entirely for your writing, keep it consistent. Make it as part of the theme of your blog. Your unique style will keep them coming back.

Understanding your weaknesses

If you find that you're unable to write something down, it's often because there are gaps in your knowledge about the topic you want to write about.

Do some research to gain more knowledge, so that you can speak with sincerity and authority. Those are two very important aspects of your writing.

"We teach mostly what we need to learn."

As you teaching people with your writings, you're learning as well. The more you write about a particular topic, the more you have to understand it. The more you research it, the more you become an expert on it.

You can't teach someone without learning it first, so writing for your blog is helping you learn and grow as well.

You get something from it, and so do the readers. Everyone wins.

Get people to comment

You're going to get a lot of visitors to your site. Most of them are looking for what you are providing, but some of them are going to know more about what you're writing than you do. There's nothing wrong with that, and the more you can get them to share their own knowledge, the better it is for you and for your website.

If you end your posts with requests for feedback, or if you ask questions to inspire debate or to provide you with more information, you're going to get visitors responding. A responsive bunch of visitors is going to make your site look more active and inspire even more people to involve themselves in conversations.

Make sure you reply to everyone's comments and feedback, even if it's to thank them for taking the time to say hello. Your own response to their comment helps them feel that you care about what they say. Make sure you do care! It also gives you the opportunity to answer any questions they might have, or ask your own questions of them.

Check your stats

No matter which service you use to provide statistics about your site, they're all going to show you where your visitors come from, what your most popular pages are, what people are using in their search terms that bring them to your blog, and how many are returning visitors.

All of it is important. Knowing where your visitors came from helps you to see who might be linking to you, and you can check the referrer out as well. You might even link back to them and start networking. Knowing what people are searching for that brought them to you helps you create more content based on popular searches. And, of course, knowing what your popular pages are helps you to create even more such popular pages.

Your stats have a wealth of information for you. Make sure you understand how to take advantage of it.

Be flexible in your approach

As you understand more about what your audience wants and how you can deliver it to them, the tone of your site is going to slowly change. You might have started your blog with the theme of digital cameras, and you write about anything and everything to do with digital cameras. However, over time, you learn that your audience is more interested in how to take photos for various events or conditions, and so you decide to start doing more 'how to' posts.

Being flexible allows you to adjust the content of your blog so you can take advantage of what your audience is looking for. If you have no flexibility in your writing and in your approach to blogging, then you're not going to reach your potential, and you're going to feel like you're wasting your time.

If you aren't flexible and don't learn to adjust, then you are wasting your time!

Listen to the feedback of your visitors so that you can understand what they're looking for. As long as it doesn't take you away from your own passions, give it to them!

Without listening, learning and changing, you're not going to reach your goals of attracting and keeping more and more visitors.


If you have any of your own suggestions to attract and keep visitors, please feel free to share them with us.

Creating your reality without fear

What holds most of us back from achieving our goals and dreams is fear. Fear of the unknown, of failure, of rejection, and even of success itself, because of a fear of the responsibilities that success would bring. We find all manner of fears to justify not moving forward on our goals.

These fears prevent us from using the Law of Attraction to attract what we want. Even though we might do our very best to manifest the things that we really want, we never get them. Why not? Because of our fears.

Here's some tips to help you recognise your fears and then get them out of the way, so that they can stop interfering with what you really want.

Understanding the whole package

First, imagine that what you want to manifest is already in your life. Instead of thinking about it happening in the future, imagine that you're currently living it. Take a few minutes to imagine it and make it as real as possible.

If your intention is to manifest a nice house, then imagine living in it, right now. How does it feel? What are you doing in your new house? What are people saying to you now that you've got your new house? Take a few minutes to make this as real as possible. Imagine the smells, the colours, and the feelings.

Now consider the side effects of having what you've manifested. How will it affect your health, finances, relationships, career and spiritual practices? How do others treat you now that you have it? In what ways does having it change you or those around you? Everything that changes causes changes around it, so try to imagine how the manifesting of your desires causes change around you and within you.

Don't make it idealistic, as that defeats the purpose of this exercise. Instead, imagine the most realistic scenarios you possibly can. Include what you know of the people around you, your health, career, finances, etc. How will the manifestation of your desires impact upon them? Everything we want to manifest carries with it a lot of side effects, which we often fail to take into account.

If you spend at least 10 minutes doing this exercise, you'll quickly understand what else may result from the manifestation of your desires. If the side effects of your manifested desires are unrealistic, then your intentions will fail, because deep down you know they're not going to happen.

To have our intentions manifest, we need to understand and accept everything about them.

Discovering the fears that sabotage our intentions

When you start considering the side effects of your intentions, you'll notice some resistance. Some parts of what you visualise will seem fantastic, while others will be less than desirable. As an example, if your intention is to manifest that new house of your dreams even though you know that your spouse hates the kind of house you want, then you're going to feel some resistance about manifesting it. You want the house, but not the side effects.

Anything undesirable that comes up for you is a pointer to your fears. That's what you need to look at.

What holds you back from achieving your intentions are those fears. Using the example of a spouse that won't like your dream house, we can see that it's the fear of how you think they might react that holds you back. Even though you want this house with all your heart, and you visualise everything about it, in the back of your mind might be the fear that your spouse is just going to hate it.

It's the fear of this happening that prevents you from achieving your desires. Your fears and desires both exist in your consciousness, and therefore there's an internal conflict that results in the failure of your desires to manifest in your life.

As you explore the possible side effects of your manifested desires, make sure you note down those side effects that you resist, or which cause negative feelings in you. Anything that comes up as a possible negative aspect of your manifested desire should be written down in a list. Write it down! This is so you have something substantial that you can work with over time, and which you won't forget.

It only needs one fear to keep your intentions from manifesting. Understanding what your fears are is an important step in moving past them.

Learning acceptance

In order to manifest our desires we need to eliminate the fears that conflict with the intentions. When the fears are gone, the intentions will have nothing stopping them from manifesting into your life. If you don't address the fears, however, then it doesn't matter how much visualisation you do or strength of will you have, your desires are not going to manifest.

One of the simplest ways of addressing your fears is to accept your fears. Turn the fears into a consequence and accept them as part of your life. For example, if you accept that your spouse isn't going to like the house of your dreams, but at least it's much better than what you have now, then you've turned the fear into a consequence. The consequence of you living in your dream house is that it will be better than what you're in now.

A fear is an outcome you resist, while a consequence is an outcome you accept.

When you fear some of the side effects of a desire, then you are effectively resisting the desire. There is a subconscious intention for the desire NOT to manifest, which outweighs the conscious desire for it TO manifest. When you turn the fear into an acceptance, then that allow your desires to manifest.

If you aren't ready to accept those consequences, then you aren't ready to manifest those desires.

Work on each of your fears one by one, by acknowledging them as fears and then accepting them as consequences. They might not be consequences that actually occur, but if you accept them instead of resisting them, then you can create positive beliefs that will replace the fear. This means that you take the same consequence and find a way to interpret it as positive instead of negative.

The process of doing this does require a lot of very deep self-analysis, which might take some time. Don't expect overnight results. However, in order to move past those fears which are holding you back from achieving your desires, you do need to engage in these exercises.

Manifest your desires by dealing with your fears. You'll never regret it.

Thanks to Steve Pavlina.

Dating for introverts

Being an introvert who used to date a lot, it took a while for me to work out what I was comfortable with. I never knew it was because I was actually introverted, but recently I've become aware from my internet research that there are a lot of introverts who could do with some tips on how to make dating work for them.

Here's a few things that I've found and learnt for myself, that might just help you with your first date/s.

1. Make the first meeting short, preferably a coffee in a cafe. This allows you to feel comfortable that you can leave after a short time if you want to, because you're in a neutral location for a short time.
   
   
2. Suggest a specific start time for you to meet, and tell them that you've only got, say, half an hour. This gives them the impression that you're busy and they can feel privileged that you're fitting them in, but it's especially important for you to set a limit for your time, so that you don't overextend yourself.
   
   
3. Use your excellent observational skills to gain information about the person, and about how comfortable you might feel if you see them again.
   
   
4. Reveal only as much information as they do, within reason.
   
   
5. Take a trip to the bathroom if you start feeling anxious or overexcited. Calm yourself down again.
   
   
6. Don't try to be extroverted! There's simply no point trying to be something that you're not. If they start to like you, they're only liking who you're pretending to be, rather than who you really are. Be yourself, so that there's honesty at all times, and give them the chance to like you for who you actually are.
   
   
7. Don't use alcohol or drugs to loosen you up. If you're not ready for the first date, then reschedule it until you are. It might also be that the person you're trying to meet isn't actually someone you want to meet, and your subconscious is telling you not to waste your time. Be aware of your feelings.
   
   
8. If you're getting irritable during the date, think about why. Pay attention to any uncomfortable feelings you might have, like anger, fear or even boredom. Try to work out what it is about the person that's making you feel this way. Read the signs.
   
   
9. Don't push yourself to have physical contact, like kissing. Make sure it's only when you feel comfortable, and don't give in to pushy dates! You're there to enjoy yourself, not for them to enjoy themselves at your expense.

Remember that you're the one in control, even if they're the super-confident extrovert. You can make the choices about what's good for you, like how long you want to stay, where you want to meet, what you want to talk about, and when you want to leave.

Be yourself, and enjoy yourself.

The secret to you

The Secret is a fantastic documentary about how the Law of Attraction works, and how you can make it work for you. Here's an excerpt about it from my old blog:

The Law of Attraction is a universal law, which you might also know as 'like attracts like'. Whatever is on your mind is what becomes a reality in your life. As was said in the show, "Thoughts... become... things..." The trick is to think of things you want, instead of the things you don't want.

Most people, however, focus on those things they don't want. You know what I'm talking about. They want more money to get out of debt, 'cause all they can think of is the debt they're in. They want a new car, because all they can think about is how horrible their current car is. They want a new job, because they hate their current job.

But the more they FEEL the things they don't want, the more they KEEP what they don't want. And they get more of it!

Why is that?

It's because the universe is giving you those things you are passionate about. Even the things you don't like create passion in you, and the more energy you put into the things you don't want, the more the universe will give it to you. It thinks that the more passionate you are about something, the more you want it.

When you are passionate about those things you want, rather than those things you don't want, and when you can FEEL them, that's when the universe will give it to you.

Now you can download The Secret To You, a visualisation tool that will help you "transform your life into happiness, prosperity, health, love and joy". It's only 16.8 Mb big, and when you play it, make sure you maximise the window size. You'll need the latest version of Quicktime.

How to stand out from other blogs

Lorelle wrote an article called Truths and Consequences of Blogs That Stand Out, which I'll use as the basis of this article (thanks Lorelle!)

If you want your blog to stand out from the rest of them, then there's a few things you need to take into account as you aim for that goal.

Looks count

Everything is about looks. We like to look pretty to make ourselves more attractive, and we are attracted to people and things that appeal to us. So the first thing that we need to take notice of with our blog is how it looks.

It has to be easy to read, without being too cluttered. If it's too 'busy' then people are going to get lost trying to find something interesting. It the design interferes with the ability to read it, people are going to move on.

Think about books. What makes them attractive? For a start, they're easy to read. Dark text on white background, and fonts that are easy for the eye to see. If there's any pictures, they don't interfere with the text and there's a decent amount of white space between the picture and text.
Navigation is important too. You have a blog that you want people to be able to get to other content that you think is important. How are they going to do that if you have no navigation features? Categorisation works wonders, helping your visitors see what kinds of content you have available, and allowing them to browse through your site according to the categories that they're interested in. Important Pages need to be stand out as well, and Popular Posts inspire visitors to hang out a bit longer and read what others find interesting.

Remember also that the website design should reflect the content. If you have content on mountain climbing, then a design that includes mountain views would be applicable. A photo blog would include photos in the design. General musings about life might have a design that reflects the theme of your life, or of how you want to present it.

Looks count, but they need to be appropriate to the content of the blog, otherwise people just aren't going to take it seriously.

Content is King

It doesn't matter how good your site looks, if you don't have good content, visitors aren't going to hang around for long.

Good content means good writing, spelling and grammar. However, that's still not important if what you write about or how you write it grabs the visitor's attention and holds it. Providing good quality information or entertainment are two very good reasons visitors will stay, and they might forgive a few spelling errors if the content is worth it.

If the content gives the visitor the information they're looking for, meets their interests, or challenges their thinking and motivates them, then they're likely to spend time there. If it's really good then they'll return time and again to find out what new content you've added.

The best quality blogs are those that focus their content on a particular topic or theme, rather than putting lots of different topics together on the same blog. Being a 'specialist' gains traffic and reputation, while talking about anything and everything doesn't help those visitors stay focused. If you're not focused on a particular topic, then your visitors aren't going to stay focused on you.

It's about traffic

A lot of people think that the more traffic you have, the better your blog is. Not true. Traffic is only important to the blog owner, as hardly any of the visitors to your blog are going to be aware of, or even care about, how much traffic you're getting. What makes your blog popular is not going to be the traffic, but the content and how people find the content.

Search engines, directories, links on other blog's blogrolls, and even placing comments on their blog. They all help bring you traffic. What's important though, is not how many links you have, but good your content is.

Your reputation will be enhanced by people finding your blog and then writing about it or linking to it. That increases traffic, but that's only because they think your blog is worth other people reading it. And that comes from having a good look and good content.

It's about convenience

Many websites offer incentives to sign up to their newsletters, or they don't have anything like that at all. Instead, you have to bookmark the site in your browser and come back to it every now and again to see if they've updated the content. These are static sites and they don't add a lot to the convenience of the visitor.

Non-static sites like blogs allow visitors to subscribe to RSS feeds, which delivers your content to them as soon as you publish it. Very convenient!

RSS Feeds allow visitors to automatically subscribe to your blog so that any new content you place there is sent to them, without them having to remember to come and visit it. On some blogs you can even subscribe to the feeds of various categories, so that the only content received is of those categories that you're interested in. Allowing this option for visitors to your blog will only increase the convenience of it for them.

Comments are another convenient feature of blogs, allowing visitors to agree or disagree with your content, or even to add or correct information that might be of use to you. Not only do comments increase the convenience for visitors to engage in interesting conversations about your content, but the convenience allows you to update your own content based on what you might learn, as well as to inspire your visitors to hang around longer because of the conversations they have with you.

Pings and trackbacks allow search engines and directories to be notified when you've updated your blog, allowing users of those sites to visit your blog whenever you update it. Trackback comments allows you and your visitors to see what others are writing about your content.

Your outstanding blog checklist

Again, from Lorelle's article, we have this checklist. Check your blog against it, and see if it meets the standard of an outstanding blog. Use what you learn to make any changes you might want, to help you achieve 'outstanding blog'.

1. Is it readable?
2. Is it easy to read?
3. Is it easy to navigate, leading the reader to other content from every page?
4. Does it offer content categories, helping direct readers to related subjects on your site or blog?
5. Does the design match the content?
6. Is the content consistent with a specific topic, theme, or subject?
7. Does the content showcase you as an expert, hobbyist, or vague curiosity seeker?
8. Is the content well written, spell and grammar checked, and encourage readers to read?
9. Does your blog’s design and content give people a reason to return?
10. How convenient is your site or blog to use?
11. Does it offer feeds?
12. Does it offer comments?
13. Does it offer trackbacks?

How to host your own community

A List Apart has this great article on how to host your own community. Following that link will give you more information about the below:

• Are you really ready to start a new community?
• Laying groundwork
• Get ready and send invitations
• It’s party time
• Be ready to improvise
• Keep your partygoers from leaving
• Don’t let things get out of hand
• Dealing with party crashers
• Enjoy your own party

I've been working with forums for quite a while now, and most of the suggestions are things I already have learnt to do from experience. None of my forums have gotten over 50 members though, so they've never been 'great forums'. But still, I've enjoyed doing them over the years.

If you have a forum of your own, or if you want to start your own community, I hope you'll get some value from the above information.

Use the Law of Attraction to find love

Have you ever noticed that when you want something, you start to see it wherever you look? If you want a particular new car, for example, you start seeing it more often. Until you started desiring it, you never even noticed it! This is the law of attraction: what we desire, we attract to ourselves.

Our thoughts create our reality, and the more we think of something, the more it becomes real in our lives.

The thing about the law of attraction is that it attracts to you exactly what you have on your mind. The problem is that most people have the wrong things on their mind. When you spend a great deal of your energy thinking about what you don't want, then the universe will respond by giving you exactly what you don't want. It thinks that if it's on your mind, then you actually want it! (By 'universe', I also mean God, Buddha, Allah... whatever is your ultimate higher power.)

You have to look at what you're actually saying in your head.

• "I don't deserve someone fantastic..."
• "No man's ever going to want me...."
• "I'm so ugly I'm just going to disgust any woman who looks at me..."
• "I'm not worth having a handsome man with me..."
• "I'm too shy...."

Change what you say!

• "I deserve someone fantastic..."
• "Every woman is going to want me..."
• "I'm so attractive, men are just going to throw themselves at me..."
• "I'm worth having a beautiful man with me..."
• "I'm super confident!"

When you start turning it around in your head, it gets turned around in your life.

You might not believe it, but if you start getting yourself into the mindset of saying those things to yourself on a daily basis, they are going to have an effect on you. You're going to start believing SOME of them, at least, and that's a great start.

The reason we don't get what we want from our life and relationships is because we're attracting the wrong things. We need to truly understand that to get what we want, we need to ask for what we want. We need to visualise what we want.

When all we ask for and all we see are the things we don't want, then that's all we'll continue seeing in our life.

Think of the car analogy. You'll see more of the car that you want when you really desire it. However, if you absolutely loathe a particular car, you're going to see that more often too!

What is in your mind and receives energy and emotion from you, is what's going to be in your life.

So to find love you really need to focus on the kind of person that you want to love and be loved by. You need to see them in your mind with you and you need to see them happy about being with you. You need to feel the emotions of what it would be like to be with the partner of your dreams.

It's important to understand what physical attributes, behaviours, values, beliefs and interests are important to you. Understanding them will allow you to focus on what you want in a relationship with someone, instead of what you don't want.

Many people go from one failed relationship to another without really thinking about why their relationships keep failing. Instead of looking at themselves and what they're attracting by what's on their mind, they blame other people, their past or the situations they get into.

But really, the reason the relationships keep failing is because people are always thinking about what they don't want, and so they end up creating it!

What they should be doing is thinking about what they DO want. Develop a very clear idea of what they want in a relationship, and they will start to get it.

There's a saying - 'there's no such thing as a perfect relationship'. Well, there is a perfect relationship, but it won't happen by searching for what you don't want. It'll only come by understanding what you DO want, and holding that in your mind.

An exercise in attracting the perfect relationship

On a piece of paper write down everything you want in your perfect relationship. What is he or she like? How do they talk, smell, look? What will you be doing together? How do you feel when you're around them?

You need to really get into this and write down every single detail. Let your imagination run wild. Refine it as necessary, but make sure it's not unrealistic. Keep it real, but keep it 'perfect'. Take as long as you need, as it's the key to your ultimate success.

Most people never write down what they want, and yet it's the single most important step to use the law of attraction in finding the perfect partner and perfect relationship.

You can also use this with everything that you want. Writing it down in great detail dramatically increases your chances of getting it. But make sure you go into every little detail about it, whatever it is.

And then, you need to do one more thing. Make sure you don't doubt yourself. Assume that there's nothing stopping you from getting what you really want. Not money, or looks, or time, or anything else.

You can have anything that you want. Just imagine...

By being extremely clear in your mind about what you want, you are helping the universe give it to you. Define it exactly, and you'll get it.

Here's another analogy for you, to help you understand how it works:

Imagine going to a restaurant and ordering a hamburger. The waiter goes off with your order. Then you change your mind, and you change the order to a steak. They go to make it. Before the steak arrives, however, you change your mind again and order a salad. At this point, most waiters are likely to tell you to go make it yourself!

The universe, of course, won't tell you to go make it yourself, but you can probably see how difficult it would be for the universe to give you what you want if you don't even know what you want!

Going back to that exercise... make sure you write it down. Take the time to do it, it's very important!

Now that you're clear about what you really desire in a partner, take that bit of paper and fold it up. Carry it around with you for at least a week, in your pocket, purse, wallet or even in your underwear. It doesn't matter, as long as it's always with you. Every time you remember it, take it out and read it, and enjoy the feelings in your mind of what it would be like to be with this partner of your dreams.

Feel it!

And then make sure you do the following...

During this week that you carry it around with you, make sure you listen to your inner voice or your instincts. If it tells you to stop at the supermarket on the way home when you normally go to the corner store, then do it! You just might meet your perfect partner there.

What you've done is 'placed your order' with the universe, and now you need to make sure you watch out for the signs to tell you that your order is ready.

That's all there is to it. Remember, once you use this to get your perfect partner, use it for anything else that you want. The car, house, job, boat, holiday.... anything at all! Write it down, detail it in minute detail, and then carry it around with you.

Your imagination determines your life. Use it to create the life of your dreams.

Jealousy

What is jealousy?

Jealousy is an emotion based on insecurity, relating to the belief that a relationship isn't stable. This leads to fears of losing someone that's precious to you, or that she'll find someone better than you, and so on.

Degrees of jealousy

Cute
It's perfectly normal to have reservations about your girlfriend going to a strip bar with friends, or not enjoying how much they drool over some guy in a magazine. That kind of jealousy is harmless and normal.

Healthy
Expressing concern about your girlfriend going out with a bunch of guys is often just looking out for her wellbeing. She might even be insulted if you don't say anything. If you see her flirt with another guy it's quite ok to feel jealous and tell her it's inappropriate.

Obsessive
When aggression or violence become part of the jealousy, there's a big problem. The person who is obsessively jealous has very little tolerance, and any look at another man or woman is enough to set them off. They demand to know where he or she is at all times, or they won't let their partner go anywhere without them. Just the mention of another man or woman's name sends them off the deep end.

Sources of jealousy

Jealous behavior can come from past experience with partners who have cheated on them. And if you've had more than one partner cheat on you, it can cause you to be more possessive and controlling, to try and make sure they have no opportunity to cheat on you again.

There's also the possibility that it's you who has cheated on your partner, and because you can't even trust yourself, you might place the same feelings on them, believing they could cheat on you too, simply because you cheated on them. Your guilt tries to make sure they don't have the opportunity to do to you what you did to them.

However, most jealousy comes from a low self esteem and lack of confidence. You might feel you're not good enough for them, and so any interaction by them with someone of the opposite sex makes you feel that they could find someone better than you. Most guys or women might be better looking than you, and you feel threatened by that.

If you watch her interact with other guys, you might be worried that they'll 'steal' her from you. If you've been with him for only a short time, you might feel threatened by the close bond he has with his female friends, who he's known for much longer than you.

Jealousy is dangerous

Jealousy is quite bad for relationships because it destroys a very important component that holds it together - trust. To tell her she can't have lunch with a co-worker is the same as telling her you don't trust her. If you restrict them too much, they're going to wonder why they're with you. No one wants to be controlled or 'imprisoned'.

It also leads to more arguments and reduces any quality time you might have together. All you end up doing is focusing on each other's negatives.

On top of all that, you spend most of your time worrying about what they might be doing when you're not with them. When all you're thinking about is how they could be cheating on you, then that's all that becomes real for you. You start expecting them to cheat on you.

You need to control yourself

Here's a few ways to learn how to overcome your jealousy - before you lose control and do something you'll regret:

1. Learn from past experiences
   Look at how past relationships - and even your current relationship - has been affected by your behaviour. You might realise that your tantrums are the cause of the troubles, and that they actually haven't done anything wrong. Understand that getting upset or angry at them won't help the situation.
   
   
2. Deal with reality
   When you realise that it's your tantrums which have been the problem, you realise that it's all based on what you perceive to be happening, and what you fear is happening. You don't need to let your imagination dictate what kind of person she is. Treat her according to what she does, and not according to what goes on in your mind.
   
   
3. Respect yourself
   You have to understand she chose to be with you for a reason. There's no need for her to be tempted to go elsewhere - unless your actions start to drive her away. You need to avoid that by understanding that you deserve her, and she deserves you.
   
   
4. Get someone else's opinion
   Ask a friend to tell you what they think of your behaviour around your girlfriend. It can help you understand the full extent of your actions, as well as hers, by getting their perspective.

Avoid overreacting

It's ok to feel a bit jealous as long as you can channel it in a positive manner. Remember that having others flirt with your girlfriend is normal. Think of it as flattery for both of you. As long as she looks but only touches you, there's no harm in it.

Trust is important in any relationship, and it wil be better for both of you to avoid letting your insecurities destroy your trust. Show her the same respect that you want her to show you.

Manifesting Money

My friend, Peter Hagerty, runs a business called Genius Academy. This is 'cause he's a genius [smile] and he wants to help others realise their own genius. He linked me to a copy of a sound file or podcast that he made, that introduces listeners to the concept of manifesting money and success in their life.

I thought it was excellent, 'cause he uses real life examples on how manifestation works and has worked for him. You can find out more about how he can help you realise your own genius by going here, which is where you can find a copy of his podcast as well.

All the best with manifesting success into your life.

6 important qualities of a lasting relationship

By relationship, I mean two people coming together in love, choosing to spend their lives together as a couple, partners in crime, all that kind of thing.

In my 'life of research and practice', I've come to the conclusion that the most important qualities in a lasting relationship are:

• Hard work
• Commitment
• Honesty
• Openness
• Understanding
• Love

Hard work
In order to be successful with your career or your hobby, you have to put a lot of effort and hard work into it. If you don't do this then you'll lose interest and move onto something else. You get back from it what you put into it. If you don't have the interest - the passion - that drives you to put at least 100% into your relationship, then you're going to lose interest in it, just like with the hobby or career. Think about this in relation to your relationship. You'll get bored, look for 'other exciting things' to do. Your relationship will suffer, and sooner or later your partner is going to fire your arse for 'not working hard enough'.

Commitment
A lot of people misunderstand what this means. They think that commitment is about getting married, and being 'tied down'. Nope, not true. Commitment is about providing support to your partner, being with them through the good times and the bad times. It's about being the kind of person to them that you want them to be with you. You know you're going to have some rough times in life. No person is an island, and everyone needs someone to lean on at some time. If you aren't the kind of person that they can lean on, then they're not going to be the person that you can lean on, and before you know it you'll fall over

Honesty
Without honesty, there's no trust. And if there's no trust, there's nothing. If you can't be honest with the person you're with, then you're living a lie. Not only that, but they're with someone they don't really know! And when they find out who you really are, they're going to be madder than a bull with swords sticking out of it. Honesty opens up doors and allows for great communication between you. Honesty allows you to be who you really are, so that there's no surprises. It also fosters trust, which is essential for an ongoing relationship.

Openness
Openness goes hand in hand with honesty, leading to greater trust and appreciation from your partner. Express your feelings, and your desires, your disappointments and frustrations. Express your goals, your likes and dislikes, your expectations and your fears. Be open about everything, and you'll find your partner being open with you. It helps each of you understand who you are and what you both want, allowing you to align yourselves with what's important to you both.

Understanding
This is especially important. Not everything is about you, and if they are going through things that are emotional to them in some way, all they want is your understanding that they're going through something that's hard for them. This is where they want your commitment to them, providing them with the support that they need. You need - yes, need - to understand that they have a life that's separate to yours, that they experience things that you don't, and that they might often feel alone with what's affecting them.

Love
This is the glue that binds everything else. Love is what inspires you to be hard working, committed, honest, open and understanding. Love is absolutely necessary for everything else to work, and yet without anything else, there is no love.

All of the above are required for a lasting relationship between two people. The qualities work together to achieve success in a relationship, and without one or more of those qualities, the relationship will be difficult, with many challenges. Without any of the qualities, the relationship is doomed to failure.

• If you have everything except honesty, you have a relationship based on lies.
  
  
• If you have everything except hard work, then commitment will suffer, as you're saying it's not worth it.
  
  
• If you have everything except commitment, then understanding will suffer, as you're saying you're not interested in providing support.
  
  
• If you have everything except openness, then understanding will suffer as well, as you're saying you don't trust them with your feelings.
  
  
• If you have everything except understanding, then openness will suffer, as your lack of understanding will prevent them from being open about their feelings.
  
  
• If you have everything except love, then you don't have the glue that holds everything together. You have nothing.

Don't be a loser!

I was reading a dating/picking-up-girls website some time ago, and there was someone there writing a post about how to get a woman taking her top off when she joins you in a hot tub. He went through 4 different scenarios about what to do, how to do it, and why it should be done that way.

I thought, "Oh.My.God." That's all. It wasn't an exclamation of wonder and joy, as one would do when the light is lit and you see something you've never seen before.

No, it was an exclamation of shock that this person was giving instructions on what to do when a woman joins you in the hot tub. And what was even more shocking was that there were a whole bunch of replies to his post about what a good post it was, and how they appreciated the information.

Holy crap! These people are losers!
Let me explain why.

#1 - the woman gets into the hot tub with you. It's just her and you (with you being a guy, of course), and by default, it means she's interested in you and whatever might happen. You need instructions about what to do next??? Oh My God.

#2 - WHAT'S A WOMAN DOING IN A HOT TUB WITH YOU WITH HER CLOTHES ON?! That scared me just with that alone. No wonder the guy's got all these strategies for trying to get her to take her top off.

Here's the amazing secret I'm about to tell you. If a woman gets into a hot tub with you, just relax and enjoy yourself, and when she gets close enough and in the right position (where it's easy for you to take her top off), TAKE THE DAMN THING OFF FOR HER! She's not going to say no, and will be wondering what took you so long! (That's why she's maneuvered herself around for you to do that.)

Men worry too much about what to do. They complicate things. They make things more difficult than what they need to be. They ignore the signs, and as a result they screw things up for themselves.

It's simple, so here's a clue...

If she doesn't want to be with you, she'll let you know by not being with you. It means she's not attracted to you. Let it go and move on.

If she does want to be with you, she'll let you know by being with you. If she's with you, then she likes you. If she likes you, she'll want you to 'do things' to her. This includes fooling around, getting sexy, all that kind of stuff. One thing leads to another, you know what I mean. Just do to her what you would do if she was your girlfriend. This is how she BECOMES your girlfriend, but only by you making it happen through assumption, after reading the signs she's giving you.

Don't complicate things. Men think they need to be told, but really, the telling's in the body language. Read the signs, and go for it.

Don't be a loser.

(And remember, always be respectful, just in case you're reading the wrong signs. Be funny, charming, and sexy. And have fun.)

Values in relationships

Everyone has a hierarchy of values, from the things that are really important, all the way down to the things that don't matter. What's important and what doesn't matter changes according to the values of the individual.

Anything that supports your highest values is called 'good' and you are attracted to it in some way, while anything that challenges your highest values you call 'bad' and are repelled by. Our values determine how we conduct our relationships with people.

There are three types of relationships in this context, with each one having a different outcome.

• Selfish - this is where you focus only on your own values without considering your partner.
• Walking on eggshells - this is where you focus on your partner's values without considering your own.

Both of those relationships create tension, resulting in many difficulties.

• Caring - this is where you communicate your values in terms of theirs.

You think of both your side and your partner's side in the caring relationship, which expresses love for yourself and each other. Caring is knowing someone well enough to know their values and expressing your values in ways they can relate to.

When we're in a relationship, we often think the other person is supposed to be like us, and that's what brings us together. However, if any two people are exactly the same, one of them is unnecessary.

The purpose of a relationship is to help us learn to love those parts we've ignored or disowned. Each person has their own values, and no two people ever have the same. Each person expresses their love through their own values, and when we honour our partners values, we understand that we're surrounded by love in all kinds of ways that we didn't recognise.

If we accept the love that is in accordance with our partner's values, and understand that it doesn't need to be the same as our own, then we'll find love in places we never thought possible.

You only need the courage to start appreciating how other people express their values, and the desire to understand them. Once you do that, you'll have more fulfilling relationships, where you value each other's values and how they improve your own life.

Don't be a nice guy!

"Nice guys come last."

Why is that saying, so often denied by women, always so true? Women say they want a nice guy, but really, they don't. They often end up being with someone who treats them like a jerk, who doesn't respect them at all. And then they seek out the nice guy to complain about why they can't find a nice guy to be with!

Nice guys hear it all the time, and yet they remain single, constantly wondering: if women are looking for nice guys, why are they still single?

The problem is that nice guys come last because they're... nice! They aren't funny, confident or even mysterious. These qualities are what women find attractive. Nice guys are open, honest and caring. They give all of themselves in order to please women and 'be more attractive' to them. It doesn't work though. When you give everything to a woman, she has nothing to seek out for herself! There's no mystery, no attraction.

When a woman meets a man, straight away she, like men, gets a conscious idea of what 'category' that man will fit into her life. A man falls into the category of 'friend', 'romantic potential' or 'you've got to be kidding'! Once her decision is made, it's more than likely going to remain that way. No matter what a man does, he has been categorised.

Hey, men do it. So do women.

When men realise this, they then have the power of determining which category they want to be put into. If you want to be the woman's friend, then simply be the nice guy. If you want to be of romantic potential, then being the nice guy isn't going to work.

To a woman, romantic potential doesn't just include your appearance, although that can be helpful if you're good looking. It doesn't include how well you listen to her, or how much you care about her. To a woman, how funny, confident and mysterious you are means more than your appearance. If you can make a woman laugh and wonder about who you really are, then you become attractive to her.

This means that you can control attraction, simply by your actions. You are never a victim of circumstance, or of the whims of fickle women. It's easier than that! Their attraction to you is under your control!

So how do you control a woman's attraction to you?

Well, first of all, you have to decide if you want to be attractive to her. (Here's a little tip. If you start practicing making yourself attractive to all women, of all sizes, shapes and age, being attractive will become second nature to you. It will become something you are, rather than something you try to be.)

Be unpredictable and uncontrollable, challenging and dominant. These are qualities which women require in romantic potentials. Women don't want someone that bores them with predictability, who allows them to control him, who isn't a challenge, and who is a weak-minded wimp. Women want a man who KNOWS he's a man, and who's proud of it. Women want to be respected for being women, and they want to be able to respect a man for being a man.

Believe that you don't need to impress the woman you're talking to. There are so many women out there, what makes you think you need to impress this one? Don't try to impress her, just be yourself. But make sure that being yourself is also being funny. Make her laugh at your jokes. And make jokes about HER! Make jokes about the colour of her shoes, or the clothes she's wearing. Pretend you're wondering if she's going to a fancy dress party or something. Ask her what crazed fool thought that carrying that handbag would suit her - "...and just what have you got in there, the kitchen sink? It's HUGE!". You get the picture, I'm sure.

Be dominant. Be the one who is decisive about what you want and where you want to go. Always have a backup plan, and be prepared. This shows that you are capable of looking after her and her needs. Women need their men to be emotionally and mentally strong, able to take care of themselves and her. Women need to trust that you will be able to look after them, keep them happy and secure. That makes for romantic potential.

Be impressive to her by NOT IMPRESSING HER. Show her that you are having fun, and that you don't particularly care if she stays or goes, or if she likes you or not. Being yourself and making FUNNY jokes at her expense are a great way of SHOWING CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF.

You will be doing what no one else does, and that instantly makes you more attractive than the rest of them.

Now, this doesn't always work. But remember, IT DOESN'T MATTER. There ARE plenty of women out there, and if one of them doesn't like your sense of humour, that's their loss, not yours. If they don't like you making jokes about something they're wearing or doing, then they are the ones with the emotional problems about themselves. Anyone who can't laugh at themselves is not going to be fun to be with. (Naturally, make sure the jokes make sense and are relevant to whatever the joke is about. Only refer to something that stands out.)

Be sexual, but don't be crude. Compliment a woman sexually, and you'll show her that you're not a 'nice guy', but that you're a man who has 'romantic potential'.

Women have sex and think about their future with a man who has romantic potential. They don't have sex with the nice guys, the ones who are only their friends. They have sex with the guys who excite them, who challenge them, and who show the probability of romantic potential.

So if you want to only be friends with women, then be a nice guy. But if you want to have a woman excited to be with you, and looking forward to the next time she can be with you, then DON'T be a nice guy! Don't be a jerk either, but be someone who excites her, and who she can respect and admire.

Be strong but gentle. Be funny, not insecure. Be yourself, not someone that you THINK she wants you to be.

Be a challenge. Don't be a 'nice guy', as nice guys DO come last.

Are you a wimp around women?

Why do so many men act like wimps around women?

There's a lot of men in this world who act like absolute wimps around women (maybe you're one of them?). Why do they do this? Mainly for the simple reason that they believe that by being nice, they'll be liked by the woman they're interested in.
Most of these men haven't learnt or understood that it's more important to make a woman be attracted to them, than to make her like them. 'Attraction' creates chemistry which leads onto intimate relationships, while 'like' creates friendships or nothing at all.

Some of these men are proud of their wimpiness. They're proud of how sweet, thoughtful, loving and clingy they are. They think this is exactly how women want them to be, so the more they see themselves doing what they think she likes, the happier they are.

The only problem is, she's not attracted to that.

So how does a man stop being a wimp?

Most people don't like being told that what they've been doing most of their lives is wrong. Therefore, before a man decides to stop being a wimp he needs to understand that being a wimp actually makes women run away from him. Once he understands this, he'll find it easier to get rid of his wimpiness.

What's the biggest mistake a man can make?

The biggest mistake is to be predictable. This has to stop. Being predictable only creates boredom.
To help avoid being predictable, you need to do only two things.

1. Always be looking out for the patterns in your life that kill attraction.
2. Once you become aware of those patterns, do something different.

That's it. That's all you need to do to avoid being predictable. She'll love you for it!

Why shouldn't you be a wimp?

Well, firstly, it's not good for your self esteem. You deny your strength and your potential by being a wimp. In the process of trying to be liked by women, you become like women. Women have other women for those friendships or relationships. They want you to be a man, to stand up for yourself, to do the things you want to do, and to not take any shit from anyone. (You can do this without being violent too. They don't want a violent man, just a man who demands - and gives - respect.)

They want you to have some self respect. That's the difference between a man and a wimp. When you can respect yourself, you'll get their respect too.

No one respects a wimp.

What do you do now?

Look at your life and those things that you do to try and please women. Stop doing them! She'll be more pleased by you doing what pleases you. That's all. It's as simple as that.

That's why all those 'bad boys' get all the hot chicks, because they're doing what pleases them. The women have to fit in with their life, not the other way round. They respect themselves and they demand respect. They prove themselves to be the kind of man that a woman wants to be with. He has potential to fulfill her.

Use this to your advantage. Be a man and you'll get the women wanting to be with you. Then you can take your pick of any of them. Make sure you choose the one who gives you everything you need.

Just remember to be respectful, to yourself and to her, and you'll go far.

Handling her male friends

One of the biggest issues many men have is their girlfriend or partner having friendships with other men. Why is this? It's because men know what other men are like.

Most men think with their small head rather than their big head, and their sex drive influences their relationships. (Read my article on platonic relationships for more information on this.) If a man finds a woman sexually attractive, he will often do what he can to see how far he can go. He'll flirt and put on his best behaviour. He'll be an 'extra special friend' to the woman he's attracted to, just in case she might be attracted to him as a result of his efforts.

In base terms - and from the man's perspective - there's always a mating ritual going on, even if the subject of the ritual is someone else's mate.

If you've read the platnoic relationships article you'll understand the conditions where platonic relationships can safely occur. So what are the conditions for where platonic relationships might actually lead to something else?

1. Her male friend is single.
2. Her male friend is not single.
3. Her male friend has not had a sexual relationship with her before.
4. Her male friend is not gay.

Under any of those conditions most men are likely to have concerns about the motives behind the 'other man' wanting to be friends with her. He knows that to those other men, she is a challenge for them, a target of their sexual desires. This is the crux of the issue concerning jealousy about a woman having friendships with other men while she's in a relationship.

So how does a guy get around that?

For a start, he needs to know he doesn't have the right to dictate to her who she can or can't see. That's completely and absolutely wrong, and will only end up completely and absolutely destroying the relationship. Do you really think a woman is going to love and respect you when you treat her like a slave?

Freedom is of utmost importance. Jealousy is based on insecurity, and insecurity leads to attempts to create security through control. If you're trying to defeat your jealousy by controlling her, your relationship is headed for disaster.

Men who are insecure and jealous need to understand a very basic fact. Attempting to control her relationships with others only creates resentment in her towards you. This will lead to her leaving you.

Often for another man.

Being afraid of this happening often makes it happen.

In order to ensure your partner stays with you, you have to be willing to let her go.

Yes, it's a paradox. How can you let someone go that you want to stay with you?

By understanding that you're not in control, and that she has the right to leave you any time she chooses. Just like you have the right to leave her.

It all depends on how satisfying the relationship is that she's having with you. If you are giving her everything she needs and wants, then she's not going to look elsewhere for them. If you are denying her anything she needs or wants, she's going to look for it somewhere else.

Freedom is the absolute foundation of what you must give her.

If you give her the freedom to have friendships with other men, and you satisfy her in all the other ways that are important to her, then she's not going to want to test any boundaries. Why test the boundaries, when the boundaries don't exist?

Remember what I wrote above: she has the right to leave you any time she chooses.

This is important, because it helps you understand that she can leave you at any time. Stopping her from being friends with other men is only going to make her want to leave sooner. And stopping her from being friends with other men only makes it obvious to her that you are jealous, insecure, weak, and a control freak. Do you want her to think that about you?

Those are your issues, not hers. And if you don't get rid of them, she'll get rid of you.

You need to understand that you will keep her longer if you are the best that you can be. Don't be the worst you can be, be the best.

Treat her with respect, love and understanding, and expect the same thing in return. Treat her as you want to be treated by her, and make sure she understands this, so she knows what your own expectations about the relationship are.

You need to communicate with her your thoughts. Communicate the freedom you're giving her. Get her to talk with you about anything. Don't make her afraid or cautious to discuss things with you. Let her understand that you understand you can't be everything for her, and that if there's anything that she feels is lacking in the relationship, to talk about it with you.

This helps you see where you can improve your attitudes towards her and the relationship. If she feels the desire to be friends with other men, let her. Don't even ask about them, just let her share her life and friends with you as she sees fit. Be appreciative that there are people in her life that are helping give her happiness. You can't be everything to her, so stop trying.

You have to trust her. You have to trust that she's not going to screw up a good thing by playing around with other men behind your back. You have to trust that she's going to treat you as you want to be treated, and you have to show that by treating her the same way.

Give her the freedom to live the life that she wants to live, to share with you what she wants to share, and to have the friends - of any gender - that she wants to have.

If there are any guys in her life acting like 'predators', she's only going to reject them if she has your trust, understanding and your acceptance. Any guy who tells her they're better than you, that she should be with them instead of you, are only going to be told where to go! How can they be better than you when they're trying to screw you over, and you're giving her trust and freedom? She'll make the right choice.

And if she doesn't, then that's also her choice, even if you think it's the wrong one.

Giving her freedom is about letting her do what she feels she needs to do, even if it's to leave you. And if you've understood that she has the right to leave you any time she chooses, you'll let her go.

Sure, you'll be heartbroken, but you can't be any better than the best that you can be. And if that's not enough, then she's not the right one for you. Look for the woman who will love, respect and appreciate the freedom and trust you give her.

You can't do any better than that.

10 more tips to create a breakthrough in your life

Go to part 1

Here's 10 more tips for you to transform your life, at work and outside of it.

1. Take your time and give yourself some space. Give yourself time to think about things, and to come up with new ways of doing things, or just new things for you to do. Being busy all the time just prevents you from having the time for yourself, for working out the best things for you to be doing with your life. When you refuse to be hurried, you allow yourself to come

2. When you've reached your limit, keep going. If you're not dead yet, you haven't quite reached your limit... Breakthroughs happen when you pass your normal boundaries. And there's such an incredible feeling of satisfaction when you go past the point of wanting to give up. But you know you're stronger than that. Overcome those barriers.

3. Go on more trips away. The more you explore strange new worlds and meet strange new people, the more you'll come back a changed person. You'll open your mind to new ways of thinking, and you'll bring them back with you.

4. Really listen to everyone you can. You rarely learn by talking only about yourself. Opening yourself to learning of other people's experiences and their lessons can only help you learn new things, and you might even experience breakthroughs by getting value from something someone else has done or suggests.

5. Enjoy metaphors and analogies. Exploring poetry, philosophy, or books on business and self help can only help you explore more creative ways of thinking, which will lead to more breakthroughs in your life. It'll help you get out of the 'routine' of thinking that you've been dealing with for most of your life.

6. Run away from any kind of dogma. Dogma is an idea with a threat attached to it. "Follow this or else..." If you suffer from it, get rid of it. Kick it out. Try thinking the opposite. It's the greatest source of barriers to breakthrough thinking. Seek out ideas which help you grow and expand your mind instead.

7. Never try to be fashionable. All you're doing here is trying to be like others. What you should be doing is being who you are, not who others are pretending to be. Find your own fashion, and be happy with it. Don't care how others see you.

8. Learn from those who have succeeded. Don't try to to do the same as them, but try to understand how they achieved their success so you can use their methods to achieve your own success.

9. Dump your habits. If you're not getting what you want right now, it's because the habits you have just aren't working for you! Get rid of them - now. Let go of what hasn't worked, and allow yourself to develop new habits which will work.

10. Start now, wherever you are, whatever you're doing. There's no other way to create breakthroughs in your life than to decide, right now, to start a new way of life that will lead you onto the path you want to follow. Waiting for the right time or the right place is just procrastination. You're existing in a state of fear, of insecurity, when you avoid doing what you know you want to do now. So just do it.

Thanks to lifehack.org

5 tips to a better relationship

This is written by me, a man, for other men. Men, I hope you get something useful from this. Ladies, you can use these tips as well, replacing 'her' for 'him/his'.

1. Be willing to listen
   You have to listen to what your partner is saying, and let her finish. Let her talk about what's on her mind. Don't take it personally, and instead try to remain objective about it. This way, you can paraphrase it back to her when she's finished or paused, so that you allow her to understand you have listened and you understand her.
   
   When she knows you care about her feelings and her thoughts, she'll be more appreciative of your role in her life. She'll be more inclined to be the same back to you.
   
   
2. Be willing to talk
   Just like your partner wants you to hear and understand her, so would she like to hear and understand you. Be open with your feelings, but try to remain calm whenever you have strong emotions that you want to tell her about (like anger, frustration, sadness, etc). Remember that if you get overly emotional about it, it can interfere with your ability to communicate it. Use statements like, "I feel that..." in order to explain what your feelings are.
   
   Never accuse or blame her of anything. These are your feelings, and you are the one that's choosing how you react to things. If there's an issue related to your feelings, the issue is all yours. You might want to talk about that with your partner. It will only bring you closer, allowing her to understand you and what's important to you.
   
   
3. Be willing to compromise, to sacrifice
   Sometimes, in order for two people to share their lives together, one or both must compromise on what they want or on what's important for them. This will help them find a common ground that they can agree on and move forward with. For example, let's say she really wants to go to a play that you have absolutely no interest in. But she's let you go out to movies or 'with the boys' often enough. Sometimes she's even joined you at those movies that she doesn't like, but she enjoys going with you so that's good enough for her. Make it good enough for you too, and go with her to that play. Occasionally, do the things that you don't like doing, but she does. She'll love you more for it, because you're making the effort to compromise your interests.
   
   You're not an island in your relationship with another person. In a relationship, two people have become 'one'. What you once held sacrosanct when you were single may need to be reconsidered. That thing you absolutely refused to give up for anyone, might just need to be given up because now you're with someone who absolutely can't stand it.
   
   You need to make the decision about what's more important to you. Her, or 'that thing' you can't give up? Can you give her up for it? Is she less important than 'that thing'? Compromise and sacrifice are important to allow two people to move forward in a relationship.
   
   
4. Be willing to look to the past
   You are a result of your past experiences. These experiences can often be traumatic, and the effect they have on you can last for years. These become the issues that you carry around with you, that affect how you perceive things around you, and affect how you relate to others. Everyone has issues of some kind. If you're an adult, you have issues. Some have more than others, it just depends on your experiences and the effect those experiences have had on you.
   
   In order to move past these issues, you have to understand what they are, how they affect you, and where they come from. (I'll write another article about issues soon.) Only when you can look into your past this way, and work through the crap that you've gathered, can you make efforts to remove them from your life.
   
   Having less of these issues will improve your relationship, because those perceptions that were once filtered by bad experiences will now be clear, allowing you to see more of who your partner really is.
   
   This can occasionally have those consequences where you see that your partner is actually bad for you. Accept it, and let them go. You don't need a bad or abusive partner in your life, just like you don't need those issues which once made you think you do.
   
   
5. Be willing to look to the future
   A relationship has a purpose. You get into a relationship with someone in order to achieve various goals or desires you have in your life. Goals like marriage, family, companionship. You can't achieve these things by remaining single. You have to remember that the only reason she wants to be with you in a relationship is not just because she loves you. Along with that love comes certain conditions, or desires related to that love. She sees you as someone she might like to get married to, have kids with, and be her companion for the rest of her life. That's love. It's commitment, it's family, it's planning for the future.
   
   When you're in a relationship, you have to share a plan for the future. You need the same goals and desires as your partner, so that you can work together on achieving them. If you don't actively work with her on these goals, then she'll think you're not part of the plan. Eventually, she'll find someone else who is. Make sure you're in a relationship with someone who shares the same vision you have of the future that you want.

I hope these help you find a more satisfying relationship, where you and your partner are closer as a result of these tips. I'll try to add more in future, as I think of them.

7 simple ways to make yourself smarter

You can do physical exercises to boost your fitness, and you can do mental exercises to boost your intelligence. Thanks to this article, here are the things you can do each day for a week to boost your intelligence by 40%.

Saturday
Brush your teeth with your 'wrong' hand, and take a shower with your eyes closed.

Sunday
Do the crossword or Sudoku puzzle in the paper, and take a brisk walk.

Monday
Have oily fish for dinner, and either cycle, walk or take the bus into work.

Tuesday
Select unfamiliar words from the dictionary and work them into your conversations.

Wednesday
Go to yoga, Pilates or a meditation class, and talk to someone you don't know.

Thursday
Take a different route to work. Watch a brain teasing program on tv.

Friday
Avoid caffeine or alcohol. Memorise your shopping list.

Enjoy becoming smarter!

How to climb the corporate ladder

If you're wondering how to improve your chances for promotion at work, and to move up the corporate ladder, so to speak, you might find the following tips useful.

Be the expert
Albert Einstein once said that if you study a subject for only 10 minutes a day, every single day, after one year you'll be an expert on that subject. Use this to your advantage. Gain more information and knowledge about your role - or the role of your choice - than anyone else currently doing that role. Try to distinguish yourself from all the others. You can bluff your way through interviews, but once you've got the role, you need to perform. Make sure you do. You need to display exceptional or above average expertise, so that others can rely on you.

Be accurate
Develop the habit of doing your work with a minimum of mistakes. Sloppiness or tardiness is a definite no-no for someone wanting to be promoted. Strive for absolute professionalism in everything you do.

Be faster than others
By doing your duties faster than everyone else, you are being more productive and can encourage your managers to give you more important tasks to do. If you're sitting around twiddling your thumbs, you know you can do more. Do it. And do it fast. And then ask for more. This will gain you attention and merit points.

Display productivity awareness
As yourself if you're giving more to the organisation than what you're being paid for. It might not be easy to work out, but just thinking about it is better than ignoring it. If you can improve your productivity, it has a direct bearing on the results. This will be noticed by others. Making the organisation more money from your efforts will not go unrewarded. But be patient. It might take a little bit of time, but you won't be ignored. You have to show your worth to ensure they consider you for promotion.

Don't be a time waster
If you arrive late for work, have long breaks and private phone conversations, you're wasting not only your time but the organisation's time. You need to shape up if you want to be promoted. Be a role model for others, show them how to save time and use time productively. If you're a time waster, you're only showing the organisation that they'd be wasting their time in promoting you. Show them you can be more productive than anyone else.

Be open to change
Not everything is going to be the same forever. Business requires growth, and growth requires change. If you're not open to change and taking advantage of any opportunities that result from it, you're just going to be left behind. Display a leadership attitude by moving forward with strength and enthusiasm. Defending your management's decisions to your fellow staff will only increase your leadership status and trustworthiness to the organisation.

Be organised
Whether you have your own office or share space with others, showing that you're organised will only help your promotion possibilities. In order to be considered for promotion you need to not only be able to organise yourself, but also other people. If you can't even keep yourself organised, there's no way you're ready to keep others organised.

Read and understand management principles
Make sure you are knowledgable on how to be a good supervisor or manager. Start practicing effective management principles even if you're not a manager, as the practice will help you be a better manager when they promote you to one. Prepare yourself in advance for the possible promotion.

Confidential information
You must understand and respect the need for confidentiality. You only need to make one mistake in this area to never be trusted again. You have to prove your understanding and ability for discretion, so that you can be trusted.

Display initiative
Involve yourself in suggesting improvements to the way things work. See any problems as opportunities for you to show how they can be improved. Make sure you analyse andy problems and make suggestions for improvements. Don't just report problems, do something about them.

Following the above tips will make you a valuable asset to the organisation, and they will surely promote you. Good luck!

5 tips to protect your laptop

About 60,000 laptops are stolen each year in the United States alone. Do you want yours to be one of them? Didn't think so... Here's a few tips to help make sure yours isn't stolen as well.

Encryption
You can use software encryption that safeguards the contents of your hard drive.

Stronger authentication
Some laptops, such as IBM, sell laptops with fingerprint pads, so that only your fingerprint can access it.

Machine GPS
This is just like the GPS systems on cars. If the laptop is stolen, the GPS can help local police track it down.

Exit inspections
Physical inspections when an employee leaves the building to ensure that laptops are not leaving with unauthorised personnel.

Stopping it from ever happening.
Proprietary date, or sensitive data, can be restricted from being downloaded onto laptops by businesses.

Tips to organise your photos

Good tips are to be found here for organising your photos. I've been doing it myself for quite some time now..

How to tell she's not interested

From someone who has a clue, she advises the following:

How to tell she's not interested:

• She never offers to make plans
  
  
• She dodges your offers to make plans
  
  
• She makes plans but then cancels them

When you want to get to know a woman, you have to take note of the signs that she's giving you. If she's interested in your, she'll be interested in you. If she's not, then move on. Stop wasting your time. Stop giving her more chances to like you. Stop trying to get her to like you!

Any attempt by you to change her interest in you is only a sign of your own insecurity, and your own weakness. You're stronger than that. Believe it. You don't need her, because there's actually a few other women out there who just might actually be interested! I know, hard to believe, but it's true.

So stop being a pussy and face up to the fact that not every woman has to like you. Just like you don't have to like every woman. Get out there and look for someone else if the one you're seeing isn't interested. It's no big deal. Really.

And if it turns out she's playing hard to get, when you regain control of yourself and look for someone else she might just come running after you. It's about 'power'. When she has the power, she knows you'll do the chasing. When you have the power, she'll be the one chasing you.

However, don't expect to walk away from every woman you're interested in and they'll come running after you. That's still putting the power in her hands, by hoping she'll do what you really want her to do.

You've really got to stop caring about it, and about her. Be your own man, not the man that you hope she'll like. Be yourself. Some woman, somewhere, will love and respect you for being yourself. The one who makes it obvious they're interested in you is the one you can be interested in as well.

Make sure you are getting back what you are giving out. If not, make the decision to move on. You'll be happier for it, and stronger for it. And ultimately, more desirable for it.

10 tips for starting a blog

1. Be focused

Many blogs start out trying to do too many things. Find a niche and focus on it; it's actually easier! With a lot less work you can be the best for that niche.

2. Be different
There are probably a lot of people thinking about, and even working, on the same idea that you are. Good ideas will have competition, so you have to find something about your blog that stands out from the rest. Remember that the specialist at something will do much better than the generalist, so make sure you're the specialist. Get a good, non-generic name, one that's distinctive and easy to remember. Don't follow trends, start your own!

3. Be casual
People are relaxed as they browse the web. It's a very casual thing to do. Fit in with how they feel, and they'll 'hang out' with you. You want to offer them something that fits in - and even helps - their everyday lives. Make sure you do it with a relaxed tone on your blog.

4. Be picky
Make sure you are picky about the content that you have on your blog. You want quality content in order to bring quality results to your efforts. People will come back for more when they know your content is high quality. Be picky with everything you do. Don't aim for mediocrity.

5. Be user friendly
Make sure your blog and the features of your blog are easy to navigate, easy to find, and easy to use. Don't think everyone is as intelligent, or as intuitive as you are. Make things user friendly, so that people enjoy their experience on your blog.

6. Be selfish
Make sure you're doing what you want to do. Provide information that you want to provide. Do it only for yourself, not for anyone else. If you're doing it for someone else, you're not going to be as interested in it. Doing it for yourself creates passion, and passion brings rewards to you. Be selfish. It's for you after all.

7. Be greedy
Not only do you have to do it for yourself, to be selfish, but you also have to get some reward for it. There's no point doing anything if there's nothing in it for you. Find the opportunities for getting something back from your efforts. Income from advertising or affiliate programs are a good start. Be greedy enough to let yourself be rewarded for your work.

8. Be agile
Be prepared to change anything about what you're doing. Anything. Nothing needs to be fixed, and everything needs to be open to evolution. As you get feedback, or learn from your experiences, allow your blog to grow with you. It's ok to change things, to do things differently. As you learn new things, and get new ideas, you're going to want to try them out. Do it. Your experience is valuable. Take advantage of it. Don't think you have to stay as you started. Grow, be agile.

9. Be balanced
Commitment is crucial, but don't let the rest of your life suffer. In fact, spend a lot of time on your life, enjoying its experiences. Not only will you find balance, but you'll also feel happier. And the best bonus is, it'll give you more to write about.

10. Be cautious
Rules are not to be taken literally. Your own heart will have the best advice for you. Learn to listen to it. There are always 'exceptions to the rule'.

Applying the 80/20 rule

You can read an article of it here. In the meantime, here's a teaser.

Why waste so much time, effort and energy trying to serve the 80 percent of your clients that are generating only 20 percent of your business?

It really is a much better idea to spend 80% of your time on those 20% of your clients that are generating 80% of your business. Alternatively, spend 80% of your time on that 20% of work that comprises 80% of the importance in your career.

Read more by following the link.